The divorce process is never an easy one, and it’s even harder to discuss divorce with your spouse when you don’t know where he or she stands on the issue. Rarely do marriages end because two people have mutually decided to divorce.
In most cases, one person comes to the decision first and usually spends months thinking about it and dealing with the emotions.
If you’ve decided to end your marriage and want to know how to discuss divorce with your spouse, we’ve put together these tips to discuss divorce with your spouse. The best advice we can give is to approach the subject calmly and without blame.
Tips to Discuss Divorce With Your Spouse
1. Spend a lot of time thinking before taking action.
A lot can happen before you bring up the topic of divorce to your spouse. Maybe a change in the relationship heals old wounds, or perhaps you just need some time to work it all out before taking action. Whatever you do, spend some time with yourself and answer your own inner questions before continuing with your decision. If you need additional help in figuring out what questions to ask yourself, check out our blog post Preparing for Divorce – 7 Questions to Ask Yourself.
2. Choose the right time and manner.
Don’t discuss divorce with your spouse during a stressful time. Wait for the right time when your spouse isn’t tired, stressed or distracted with other things. You’ll want your spouse’s full attention and awareness to have a conversation about your decision.
3. Use a nonconfrontational approach.
Use a comforting tone when talking about a divorce with your spouse. Using an angry or condescending tone will only make your spouse shut down or argue back. Don’t blame your spouse for the problem or lose control of your anger when discussing the marriage. You’ll get more from your spouse if you act in a non-threatening way.
4. Place the problem on both of you.
Recognize that you both have a problem and need counseling. Act like you’re a team that has to work through the situation together. Refrain from telling your spouse to get counseling and help. Instead, ask your spouse what you both can do to help make the marriage better. If there’s no solution, you can approach the divorce together.
5. Wait and see what happens.
Once you’ve brought up the subject, wait and see how things are going. Does your spouse treat the situation as a wake-up call or act as though nothing ever happened? If your spouse needs that extra nudge, bring up the subject in counseling, Sometimes, the topic of divorce can also lead to resolution, especially if one spouse needed the “wake up call.”
If and when you both have decided to pursue a divorce, then it’s time to discuss the matter with your family. Until there is a complete agreement between the both of you, do not discuss your plans with anyone else.
How to Discuss Divorce With Your Children
Knowing how to discuss divorce with your children can help them cope with the situation. Use the same techniques as you would with your spouse. Bring up the topic during a stress-free time, and feel free to discuss the situation in full. Let your children know that it’s not their fault, and emphasize the fact that you and your spouse still love them very much. Children don’t often deal with divorce very easily, so make their happiness your top priority to ease the burden on your family.
We sincerely hope these tips will help you reach either a resolution or an amicable divorce. If both parties approach the subject in a non-confrontational way and without anger, there is hope to minimize stress and alienation for all involved.
There are also lots of other topics on our blog regarding preparing for a divorce. Feel free to look through these articles which have been written with the idea of preserving the health of the family during a divorce.
If you are looking for a divorce lawyer in the West Palm Beach area, please contact Eric C. Cheshire at (561) 677-8090 or ask a question on our website.