Obtaining separate residences during a divorce is not always an option. Sometimes, a married couple needs to wait until the house sells. Other times, they have to wait for changes to other financial challenges. Hopefully, the terms of the divorce are amicable enough to last another few months under the same roof. If you are considering living with your soon-to-be ex-spouse during a divorce, then this list will help you. We’ve included a few ground rules for living together while separated or divorcing for the potentially uncomfortable situation. Having some ground rules can help both of you preserve respect, reduce harm and make the transitions smoother. Here are some to consider:
Create a Manageable Budget While Living Together
Since financial disagreements are one of the main reasons that people split up, be sure to handle this situation cautiously. Sit down with your ex to determine the financial obligations that you share. If both of you work and earn similar incomes, then consider dividing the financial burden equally. However, if one of you earns significantly more than the other one does, then you’ll need to negotiate. While preparing for divorce. Keep financial discussions structured - set a weekly check-in. Agree on how expenses and financial obligations will be shared and create a manageable budget for the time that you’ll remain in the same residence.
Allocate Responsibilities and Live Courteously - Respect Each Other's Privacy
Once you and your ex-spouse decide to dissolve your relationship, and you are still living together, be sure to respect each other's privacy in regards to dating, friends, phone and social media. Define physical boundaries like having separate bedrooms and having private time in shared spaces. Don't enter the other's personal areas without permission. Share household responsibilities while you are living together. Allocate the chores fairly and plan a time to do them. Try to think of your ex as a roommate. For instance, wash the dishes that you use, and don’t eat food that the other person purchased. Be mindful of the time that you spend in the bathroom and share the home’s common family areas.
Allow Yourself Time for Transition
Schedule time apart for walks or visits with friends so you're not in constant tension. Each of you should have safe outlets for support, through either therapy, friends or journaling.
Protect Your Emotional Health/Communicate Clearly
Avoid the opportunity to use blame, shame, guilt trips or emotional manipulation. If triggered, step away rather than escalate the situation. Use neutral communication for logistics like finances, scheduling or legal steps. Save emotional conversations for a counselor or mediator. If you can't agree on something, commit to mediation instead of endless fighting. And agree on a signal or phrase if a conversation becomes too heated, so you can pause.
Arrange a Parenting Schedule
When you’re preparing for divorce, you’ll need to organize a parenting schedule. Decide which days each of you will have full responsibility of the kids. If you have an infant or a toddler, then you will need to decide who will take care of feedings, oversee baths and get up at night with the child. Be sure to share school drop offs and pick ups as well as the responsibility of transporting children to and from after school activities. A parenting schedule will help your children adjust to the separation. Furthermore, it may make it easier for them to shift households once you and your ex no longer live together. Present a united front for your children by avoiding arguing in front of them. Don't make the children messengers or allies. This is a difficult transition for them as well.
Do Not Become Friends with Benefits
It can be easy to fall into old habits, but do not sleep together. The intimacy is likely to be confusing. If one of you would like to reconcile the relationship, then your eventual permanent separation will be even more devastating.
Don’t Bring Home a Date
To make your living situation function more smoothly, do not bring a date home while you are living under the same roof with your soon-to-be ex-spouse. Once you are divorced, it’s fine to date. But, for now, be considerate of your ex’s feelings.
Final Thoughts about Divorce and Living with Your Ex
Treat each other as respectful co-tenants and future co-parents/colleagues, rather than adversaries. When you carry out basic living considerations and exercise patience, you and your ex can continue living together while getting a divorce until your finances and emotions permit you to move on to the next phase of your life. If you are considering divorce and are unsure of whether or not you can continue living with your spouse, then you will need to consult with an experienced West Palm Beach divorce attorney, such as Eric C. Cheshire, for an initial consult.
Call our office at (561) 655-8844 or contact us online to make an appointment. We understand the difficulties that are involved when living together through a separation or divorce. We are here to help you.